you know you're grown up when you circle 4-15 instead of 4-20

In case you missed it, yesterday was tax day. No, don't bother rushing to the post office now, you're too late. Penalties and interest abound.
Unless you're like me and couldn't give a second thought to tax day....the first thought being "poor people, have to rush around and make sure they pay their taxes on time, tsk tsk, *giggle*"
Because see, I've been a parent as long as I've been an adult, and being poor and having dependents pretty much works out to the government feels sorry for you and gives you all of your money back and then a little extra, because "woah, how do you survive on that income"
Until now. For a few reasons. I'm not quite as poor as I used to be. In fact, I make 3 times what I made 10 years ago, teen mom, no degree, not bragging, just saying.....

Also, the state of California is so broke they're throwing all their stuff in storage and bunking with their mother in law.
So instead of giving me all my money back like usual, I actually had to pay a tad bit more in state taxes.
I know, right? The nerve.

I don't really mind, unless I think too hard about it. Like the fact that Emily and Damien's dad doesn't pay child support. He doesn't work. He collects food stamps from the state, so in a way, I could be paying to help support him.
That gets me a little worked up, so I prefer to think my taxes pay for things like my children's education.



Point: I joined the masses yesterday, all the poor souls that I snickered at in years past and mailed my payment...on time and everything. Awww, babygirl is all growed up...being a productive member of society and everything

Better

I've made it over the hump. I couldn't have done it alone, so now I'd like to give a big shout out to.....



God




Champagne




Family




Cupcakes




Love




I am rejuvenated




And ready to take it all on

Maybe a margarita, maybe just the tequila

I'm listening to country today. That's nothing new, I listen to country every Wednesday. It has themes of family, patriotism, and hard work that all help me get through hump day.
I feel like life has been one big hump day recently (and can I just say I hate that phrase....hump day.....it inspires visions that have nothing to do with the intended meaning), but anyways, I feel like I'm clamboring over that hump recently and if I could just get to the other side, then the proverbial weekend, the partying, the good times will be right around the corner.
I'm trying really hard to urge those feelings into fruition, doing all the things that typically bring me joy, trying to absorb the feeling and carry it through the monotony.
I'm getting outside when the sun is shining, taking impromtu days off of work, splurging on eating out and renting movies, going to theme parks, sticking with holiday traditions, reading to my kids before bed.....trying....reaching....begging for that weekend feeling...that summer feeling.
It's supposed to rain again next week and I'm mad about it. I'm done with the rain, done with the struggle, done with hump day....I want the liberation of Friday. I want happiness all the time, one big party, I want it to stop raining on my parade.
I want to stop being such a downer.
This post will probably help. Just throwing my big "type it all out" tantrum will help me bring Friday about faster.

But first the tantrum.....

-work stress. I'm trying to drop it at the door and not let it be personal, but it's there nonetheless

-this happened


....And then it un-happened, and I feel pretty ok with that, but I'm still probably affected nonetheless.....you know, hormones and all that

-money...I plan it all out, and it still comes out wrong

-I had to get a tooth pulled

-my phone was stolen, so I had to get that replaced

-my house is a mess and I have no time...energy...to get it clean, I can only do a little at a time and it's like trying to push back the tide

-it rained on Easter and I feel disconnected from all of my extended family

I guess that's it. *kicking, screaming, crying* and tantrum over.



Now pictures

Yeah, a little like that

Sometimes your sails are full, the sun is shining and the water is smooth and glassy, but sometimes it's all you can do to hang on to the boat and not get your ass tossed overboard.

photo gallery

We call this one: "a gymnast's hand" courtesy of Emily




This one is entitled "rough night"




This one is known as "mommy bought me my own sunglasses five minutes later, so she could get hers back"




"Hair that makes it through a gymnastics meet, a good night's sleep and roller coasters has a lot of bobby pins"





"Did you see what that just did? People are screaming...I hope you don't expect me to ride that"



"Did you take this picture to show me my tag was out? p.s. your hand is in the shot"



"mom freaked out and grabbed this straw when I wouldn't stop blowing through it"




"Girl meets penguin"





"A dolphin, a whale, a cat and a martian" also known as "dolphins aren't supposed to be furry"



"these trains make me feel gigantic"




"I'd rather ride with a stuffed monkey than my sister"



"This whale makes me feel....not so gigantic"



"Theme parks + car rides = silence"




"untitled"

Decluttered

I cleaned my office this week. It feels wonderful.

Organization does not come naturally to me. It was not hard wired in my DNA or in my training. Or if it was, other parts of me stifled it. Don't get me wrong, I have the ability to organize, I can make files, systems, put things in their place....but realizing that I need to assign a place, sometimes takes awhile.
I don't really notice the pile of mail and school papers stacking up on the entertainment center, or that there are shoes by the door, in my closet, on my dresser, in the bathroom.....I just don't realize.
My poor husband. That's all he does is organize. Yin and Yang.

But this week, I've been in a great mood, and I cleaned my office. Filed, sorted, purged. I don't know if the organization is the result or the cause of my lifted mood, but I'll take it. Either way, I'll take it.

With the clutter gone, I can focus better. I'm happier. More motivated.

All winter, and if I want to be honest, even before winter...I've felt cluttered. Tired. Overwhelmed. And I don't just mean by stacks of paper. My mind has been overwhelmed with all the details of life. It was messy and I felt ill equipped to do the job well.

Last night I lay on the couch. The show I was watching was over, and I could feel myself drifting to sleep. I thought to myself...don't fall asleep, get up, go to bed, get your alarm, it's a work night, have to do it right, can't sleep on the couch.

And then I realized I live my entire life on a schedule. The confines and boundaries of my time organization. Work is what I've been suffering through in order to live my life in the few hours between work and bed, and on the weekends. And that's not life. My life is all of it. My job included. It's not something to just get through. It's not a separate identity. Not work me and real me. It's something that I do during the day. It's still me, living my life during those 8 hours, my choice, my way, my life.

And that was incredibly freeing. Decluttering my office helped me to declutter my mind and what I found was liberation. Structure yes, regimentation no.
I slept on the couch.

O mother, thy teacher

Emily is reading Alice in Wonderland. The new movie is coming out this weekend and she totally wants to see it (as do I). Her only notion of Alice in Wonderland to date is the Disney version, so she's reading the book in an effort to be fair to the author, before seeing another adaptation.
She was reading on the way to school this morning and mentioned she was getting close to finishing.

"Wow" I said, "you read that pretty quickly"

E: "Yeah, although some of it is a little hard to understand"

Me: "I know, but it was written back when people spoke a little differently. It's good for you to get used to wrapping your mind around a different way of speaking. In high school you'll have to read Shakespeare and that was written like 500 years ago, so some people find it very difficult to understand"

Damien pipes up: "we get to read a 500 year old book!"

Me: "well, the words were written 500 years ago, but the books are reprinted all the time"

D: oh

Me: (getting back to the point) Like in Romeo and Juliet she says "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" which pretty much just means "Where are you?"

Emily: (laughing) "I'm going to start saying that.....Wherefore thou..

Me: Wherefore ART thou...

Emily: Oh yeah....Where art....what is it again?

Me: Wherefore art thou.... another one is at the end Juliet says "Oh happy dagger, this is thy sheath"....right before she stabs herself"

Damien: Weird

Emily: Romeo and Juliet is weird, she thinks he's dead, so she kills herself and then he sees that she's dead and kills himself

Me: Actually it's the other way around, he thinks she's dead, kills himself and so on.
Shakespeare wrote a lot of plays though, not just Romeo and Juliet. Another famous one is called Hamlet"

Damien: That sounds like a breakfast....like ham omelette


Haha, go to school my children, literary lesson is over for the morning. I can see how homeschooling would go in my house.