owwwwwww

Some days I'd like to punch myself in the uterus. Because some days, that bitch hurts me, and I want to hurt her back. Kicking is usually better than punching because it's more covert, and I like a surprise attack, but it's pretty difficult to kick yourself in the uterus. Not as difficult as hair pulling though, which is my other fighting method of choice. So punching it is.
Today is a uterus punching kind of day.
If you're a man and you're reading this and thinking, "what the hell, this chick is off her hormones" then I say that you should just punch yourself in the nuts because you have no idea what ouchy uterus feels like.
If you can't take the shit, then stay out of the bathroom....or something to that effect.

That one is different....er special

We live in a valley. It's beautiful here. We have vineyards and trees everywhere and our city is surrounded by hills. I forget to see it sometimes. I just see the traffic in front of me, the mess in my car, the jammed parking lots. Sometimes it takes a fresh eye.

We're riding in the car and we turn a corner and behind a building emerges the horizon. The sky, the hills, the trees, and my 3 year old gasps. "Look Emily!"

Emily looks around. "What? What is it?"

Cali gives a contented, awestruck sigh and says

"the whole world"

Indeed.

3 years old and so profound.


Profound, and also kinda gross....and um, flexible....

you know you're grown up when you circle 4-15 instead of 4-20

In case you missed it, yesterday was tax day. No, don't bother rushing to the post office now, you're too late. Penalties and interest abound.
Unless you're like me and couldn't give a second thought to tax day....the first thought being "poor people, have to rush around and make sure they pay their taxes on time, tsk tsk, *giggle*"
Because see, I've been a parent as long as I've been an adult, and being poor and having dependents pretty much works out to the government feels sorry for you and gives you all of your money back and then a little extra, because "woah, how do you survive on that income"
Until now. For a few reasons. I'm not quite as poor as I used to be. In fact, I make 3 times what I made 10 years ago, teen mom, no degree, not bragging, just saying.....

Also, the state of California is so broke they're throwing all their stuff in storage and bunking with their mother in law.
So instead of giving me all my money back like usual, I actually had to pay a tad bit more in state taxes.
I know, right? The nerve.

I don't really mind, unless I think too hard about it. Like the fact that Emily and Damien's dad doesn't pay child support. He doesn't work. He collects food stamps from the state, so in a way, I could be paying to help support him.
That gets me a little worked up, so I prefer to think my taxes pay for things like my children's education.



Point: I joined the masses yesterday, all the poor souls that I snickered at in years past and mailed my payment...on time and everything. Awww, babygirl is all growed up...being a productive member of society and everything

Better

I've made it over the hump. I couldn't have done it alone, so now I'd like to give a big shout out to.....



God




Champagne




Family




Cupcakes




Love




I am rejuvenated




And ready to take it all on

Maybe a margarita, maybe just the tequila

I'm listening to country today. That's nothing new, I listen to country every Wednesday. It has themes of family, patriotism, and hard work that all help me get through hump day.
I feel like life has been one big hump day recently (and can I just say I hate that phrase....hump day.....it inspires visions that have nothing to do with the intended meaning), but anyways, I feel like I'm clamboring over that hump recently and if I could just get to the other side, then the proverbial weekend, the partying, the good times will be right around the corner.
I'm trying really hard to urge those feelings into fruition, doing all the things that typically bring me joy, trying to absorb the feeling and carry it through the monotony.
I'm getting outside when the sun is shining, taking impromtu days off of work, splurging on eating out and renting movies, going to theme parks, sticking with holiday traditions, reading to my kids before bed.....trying....reaching....begging for that weekend feeling...that summer feeling.
It's supposed to rain again next week and I'm mad about it. I'm done with the rain, done with the struggle, done with hump day....I want the liberation of Friday. I want happiness all the time, one big party, I want it to stop raining on my parade.
I want to stop being such a downer.
This post will probably help. Just throwing my big "type it all out" tantrum will help me bring Friday about faster.

But first the tantrum.....

-work stress. I'm trying to drop it at the door and not let it be personal, but it's there nonetheless

-this happened


....And then it un-happened, and I feel pretty ok with that, but I'm still probably affected nonetheless.....you know, hormones and all that

-money...I plan it all out, and it still comes out wrong

-I had to get a tooth pulled

-my phone was stolen, so I had to get that replaced

-my house is a mess and I have no time...energy...to get it clean, I can only do a little at a time and it's like trying to push back the tide

-it rained on Easter and I feel disconnected from all of my extended family

I guess that's it. *kicking, screaming, crying* and tantrum over.



Now pictures

Yeah, a little like that

Sometimes your sails are full, the sun is shining and the water is smooth and glassy, but sometimes it's all you can do to hang on to the boat and not get your ass tossed overboard.