Wednesday, February 11, 2009

He does this on purpose

I do believe I've mentioned before how I don't do plants. Not really by choice. I think plants are lovely. I would be thrilled to have a green thumb. But I don't. Mine is closer to black....or maybe red. Yeah, red for MURDER! Allow me to present for your inspection, exhibit A

This is not how this plant started out by the way. It was much prettier, and livelier than that when Patrick bought it for me. I vowed to do my best by it, give it all my extra love and attention and a nice spot by the window in my office. Shortly after that, the flowers withered to ugly little shrively things and someone advised me to cut them off so that the plant could focus it's energies on new blooms. So then came exhibit B, a semi-pretty flowerless plant thing.

At this point I started to lose hope. But I didn't give up. I tried very diligently to get that stupid thing to perk up. The result was
too much water = mold
too much sun = burned leaves

and I present for you exhibit c, also known as "Dear god, someone put that thing out of it's misery!"

But my husband, he doesn't give up on me. He has faith. He knows I can do it. So, please let me present for you Exhibit D, also known as "OH. MY. FREAKING. GOODNESS. Does he just not get it???"

Why yes, thank you for asking, that IS a beautiful, healthy, thriving orchid. It's also supposedly 4 years old and has bloomed every year. When Patrick brought it home, my first reaction was not gratitude, it was shock and outrage. How could you do this to me? How could you do this to that poor poor beautiful plant. But he ignored my protests. So I in turn ignored the plant. Until he put it in my car and forced me to bring it to work.
Emily was commenting on how gorgeous it was and I agreed, and reached over to stroke one lovely flower.....

and Emily yelled at me.

"Don't touch it! The oils in your hands will make it turn brown!"

What the....? How the heck does she know this? Maybe someone should get HER a plant. She'd probably know what to do with it.

Now here it sits in my office, and everyone who stops by comments on it's beauty. Little do they know it's on death row. This is where all living vegetation comes to die. Dead plant walking! Dead plaaaaant walking.

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