Tuesday, February 10, 2009

we're cosleeping

I'd consider myself more on the "natural" spectrum of parenting, or is it attachment parenting? Something along those lines. I breastfed all 3 kiddos, my son isn't circumsized (and he'll probably hate me in 10 years for writing that on the internet), I prefer drug free childbirth, etc, etc...
The cosleeping thing though, it's weighing on me. The social pressure and guilt... to have her in a good bedtime routine, and sleeping in her own bed, and all that.

But but, I did do that! From 14 months when I stopped nursing her until a couple of months ago when she learned to open doors...she had a good nightime routine. A somewhat LONG routine of bath, books, pajamas, brushing teeth, hugging and kissing, turning off all the lights by herself with her stool, singing 5 or 6 songs....but then she would go to sleep. But now, now she hates her bed. She doesn't throw an all out 2 year old tantrum, but she will get up, over and over. If we haven't gone to bed yet, we'll usher her back to her room, with threats of time outs, promises to take her to the park in the morning, offers of a cup of water, or just one more song. Sometimes we'll let her lay in our bed and watch a movie, hoping that she'll fall asleep, but she never does.
Once we go to bed, it becomes even more pathetic. She'll sit in her room and cry big heaving sobs and mutter things like "mommy, daddy, *sniff*, I want you, *ragged breath*
Or she'll come in and stand pathetically in the dark next to our bed, just waiting for us to notice and acknowledge her, and invite her in.
Last night she climbed up on my nightstand and gently stroked my arm with her soft, tiny little hand, and whispered reassurances to me "Is ok mommy, go sweep" and leaned over every once in awhile and kissed my face, her sweet baby breath mingling with mine, her hair falling around my face like a silky curtain. How could I deny her the time she wanted, the closeness, the affection. How could I order her back to her room to sleep alone, when all she wants is me? I opened my blanket and she snuggled right in, and for that moment, I didn't feel any guilt.

1 comment:

Maureen said...

That is sooooo sweet. We cosleep, have with all five of our kids (oldest is 17). Nonetheless, even I was feeling the social pressure today at the pediatrician's office. The pediatrician wanted to make sure that I was establishing good bedtime habits with our youngest (4 months old), and did I intend to continue cosleeping, etc. At least I can admit to cosleeping now, when we let our oldest sleep with us, I didn't even know anyone else did it or that it had a name. Then a mom in our playgroup mentioned that she had heard that some families let their kids sleep with them and she went on to discuss how sexually warped these kids were going to be. I felt horrid as I had never even thought about how I was sexually warping my son. Then I got over it. :-)