Tuesday, January 27, 2009

waxing nostalgic

Yeah, I'm in one of those moods. If you have kids, you've had them. The one where you look at your children and go "what the fuck happened?" You used to be this little bundle of poop and drool and I was the lord of you, the complete boss and ruler of everything you thought, saw, wore, ate....it was so cool I tell you.

And then one day they're just....bleh...they're their own free thinking little people who decide for themselves who they want to be and what they want to think and yeah, that's a little cool too, but it's also a big cup of ice water in the face of the supreme ruler you used to be.

Both of my older kids are doing this to me lately, and maybe it's mostly me, but whatever, I'll say it's them.

I made up silly little songs to sing to my babies, because that's what babies do to you, they make you all silly and mushy and cootchie coo-ey sing songy. I was singing one to Cali the other day in the car and glanced over at Damien. He was the only other person in the car and he was just quietly looking out the window, and my mommy brain goes "awww, poor boy, he's probably thinking how I used to sing to him and now Cali gets all my attention" and he's so so sad and wants me to sing to him.

So I start singing.....

"Iiiiiii LOVE a little boy
and his name's Damien
Dame Dame Damien
Damien Sharp!"

He looks at me and quietly says
"mom, please don't sing that"

me: how come hunny?

d: it makes me feel little kiddish

me: *stutters* uh, well how do you want to feel?

d: dude style

me: ooooook, I'll try to keep that in mind (*cries inside and dies just a little*)

And then there's this one

This one who acts so grown up already it scares the crap out of me. It was so evident on our day trip together to her competition on Sunday. It was evident in the way she sat quietly and calmly waiting to go warm up

There was none of the 9 year old girl squealing and running around, no hyperactive chatter or begging for skittles and nachos from the snack bar. No stage fright or nervousness, just an absolute maturity that would make you swear she was turning 20 instead of 10.

She dutifully mugged for the camera when I aimed it at her

But she also rolled her eyes and sighed a little at how much attention I was giving her.
And the car ride....she just.... read quietly the entire time.

Why? Why? I just, I'm so proud that she's mature and well behaved, but part of me is just screaming for her to still be little and psychotic. She's going to pass me in maturity any day now, and I would appreciate if she would worship me just a little longer, not roll her eyes and tolerate my antics. Is that too much to ask? I thought not.

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