Thursday, November 6, 2008

The stuff life is made of

You know how there are tons of "child truths" out there, that people just love to perpetuate.
For example:
1. toddlers throw tantrums
2. little boys like to play with bugs
3. children will embarass you
4. children will interrupt your sleep
5. girls are picky about what their appearance
6. with kids you have a ton more housework
7. laundry, ah, the laundry
8. in keeping up with everyone's agendas and stuff, because no one ever knows where anything is, except you, you will lose your mind
9. you end up eating fast food or mac and cheese 3 nights out of 5
10. a trip to the grocery store is reason enough for prozac

All of these cliche's play an important role in our society. Everyone relies on them. If they're not parents, they use them to reinforce to themselves how crazy parenthood is and why they're smart, oh so smart to not have gone there, at least not yet. And if they are parents, they use them to reinforce to themselves how crazy parenthood is, and that it's all natural crazy kid stuff and they're not totally screwing up.
Sometimes things become cliche's because, you know what, they're true!!

1. Just this morning, I fought with Caliana about getting dressed, eating breakfast, whether or not she could watch both Ice Age downstairs and Dora upstairs, who exactly was going to put her in her carseat, and major tantrum when I left her at grandma's so I could escape to work.

2.Last night Damien said he had to get something from the car. I gave him the keys and he came back in with a ziplock baggie full of grass, sticks and bugs. What, they're his pets. We transfered them to a jar, he fed them grass, and walked around the house this morning with one crawling all over his hand, until I banished it back to the jar. ick.

3.Cali was in the bathroom with me this morning while I was doing my hair and I to put this delicately, ripped one. She grinned and said "mama, you fawted"
"Yes I did, excuse me". But she just wouldn't let it go. "You fawted! You fawted! YOU FAWTED!" Oh lord help me if this should ever happen in public.

4.Yeah, see previous posts about toddlers jumping on stomachs, etc... this morning while snuggled up in my cozy bed, I was clocked in the face with one buzz lightyear.

5.Caliana fought with me over her outfit, and her shoes, and Emily had me redo her hair because that wasn't just how she wanted it *insert eye roll*

6.If any of you were to come knocking on my door you'd be talking to me on the front porch because my house is not even close to presentable. I don't clean much on weekdays, it's pretty pointless. Everything has a proper place, the kids just don't like to put them there.

7.I have laundry in the washer, in the dryer, in the laundry room, in my closet, in Emily's room, on Damien's floor, on the bathroom floor, clean and folded laundry still in a laundry basket in my room, and every day it grows and grows.

8.Do I even have to explain this one? You guys read this thing. I'm certifiably Insane. But I could still find your clean sock in the menagerie of laundry. So I guess I have some use left.

9.So far this week for dinner the kids have had Mcdonald's, pancakes, fajitas, tonight will be eggs and tomorrow is pizza night.

10.The 2 year old refuses to sit in the cart, and no matter how tightly I adjust that damn buckle she can stand up out of it, so she spends the trip running up and down the aisles, or fighting Damien over who gets to lay on the bottom rack of the cart. The older ones ask for every single little thing like they are starving and never ever get any treats ever. We invariably get in someone's way, and when I finally get us all at the checkout stand, and all the food finally on the counter and I still manage to actually have all 3 children, the checkout person always always smiles and says "how are you doing tonight?" I typically feel like tossing the toddler at them.

Take heart other parents, you are not alone. It's all them, the crazy crazy small ones. They do this to us on purpose. Eventually we will be free. In a long long long time, we will get our sanity back.

And all of you non parents, screw you.


~Karley~ said...

Think of how boring our life as parents would be if our kids were perfect and did everything we ask like little robots. :o)

Your post made me laugh this morning..

Billjwalsh said...

Oh sis I can't help but laugh. I'm so Sorry but your insanity is so amusing to me. I know that's bad, but I do love your stories.