Brandi with an i: A decade

Tomorrow is my 10th anniversary as a mother. I'm writing about it today, because tomorrow I'll be out river rafting all day with my mom and my birthday girl.

There are a few things I've learned in 10 years as a parent.

- Having children is harder and better than you can ever imagine

- Diaper wipe warmers, diaper stackers, and diaper pails are completely unnecessary

- I will never know how many children I want until I'm done having them

- The difference between a cheap breast pump and an expensive one is more than just the price. Some things are worth double the money

- There are some parenting questions that have no right answer

- No matter how you think you're going to mold your children, they will have their own personalities, independent of you, and they will exert them

- Carpets in dining rooms are stupid

- 3 year olds are some of the funniest people you will ever meet

- However much you do for them, you'll always want to do more, and less

This isn't only about me though, and how long I'VE been a parent and me me me. Really it's about her. Her years. A part of my life, but her COMPLETE life

Tomorrow my baby will be 10. Double digits. A whole decade. She's out of fingers. Like most things it seems like just yesterday, and alternately like an eternity. Was there life before Emily? I vaguely recollect something....school? prom? graduation? Then there she was.

She took a long time coming, and I now know that that's just how she is. She does everything in her own time. Can't be rushed.

I was 18 when she was born, and there's something to be said for being a mom when you're still experiencing all of those heightened teenage emotions. She and I spent a lot of time together in our room of my mom's house. Just soaking each other up. I wrote long entries to her in her baby journal, read to her, and I even dedicated a song as "our song" the way young couples do. I used to put it on and sing it to her and cry. My heart was so full.

These words still have the ability to start the tears welling

Whenever You Call
By. Mariah Carey

Love wandered inside
Stronger than you
Stronger than I
And now that it has begun
We cannot turn back
We can only turn into one

[Chorus:]
I won't ever be too far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call
And I'll always remember
The part of you so tender
I'll be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call

And I'm truly inspired
Finding my soul
There in your eyes
And you
Have opened my heart
And lifted me inside
By showing me yourself
Undisguised

[Chorus]

And I will breathe for you each day
Comfort you through all the pain
Gently kiss your fears away
You can turn to me and cry
Always understand that I
Give you all I am inside

[Chorus]

I won't ever be too far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call

It's not so much just a song making me cry, as it is a song bringing to the surface the all encompassing love and devotion of a mother for her daughter. My love for my daughter.