hypochondri-nation

All is not right in my world today. It's Friday, it's the first day of May, and it's raining.
Not cool, not cool at all.

Every day I have a rather large cup of coffee for breakfast. Nothing else, just coffee, and then my stomach starts rebelling and cramping and owwwwww, and someone says "maybe you should eat something" and I know, totally, right? Except my stomach feels horrible and eating something, anything, sounds so, ick!
But then eventually I do, and then I feel better, and I'm all like "duh", but then then next day I do it again, because I'm stubborn.

And lately my belly had been all weird anyways, and I feel nauseous, and then I freak out with the whole "what if I'm pregnant?" even though I have a bulletproof, "nothing is growing in this uterus while I'm living here" IUD. But then I do the woman panic thing where I'm all "yeah, but what if there's a baby growing in my fillopian tube, because IUD's totally don't prevent ectopic pregnancy, and that's probably why I'm so bloated, and I even felt like a couple tiny flutters, although it's totally just gas bubbles or something. But yeah, I have enough irrational freak outs without adding pig pandemic panic.
But since everyone else is talking about it, might as well.
Damien has a cough and a runny nose right now, and Emily's teacher prints out a whole fact sheet on Swine Flu and gives it to him, so now Emily is freaking out, thinking he's dying, and Damien comes walking in like "don't touch me, stay away, I have THE DISEASE"
This is why I send my kids to school, so they can learn to be hypochondriacs. They can't learn it from me, I keep my neurosis well hidden.